Excerpt from
Washngton, D.C. Workshop 12/78*
(*Audience participation is in parentheses--notations in
brackets have been added for clarification )
Unpaid
Most of us have at some time in our lives have not been paid for a job we did. This often creates a lot of inner havoc; so when I found an excerpt that dealt with this, I decided to share it with you. We join the tape when somebody in the audience is making a statement about a woman who was unable to collect pay for a job she had done.
(Well, somebody buffalo’d me last night. She said that she worked for a man one day and he never paid her; and she kept asking him to pay her, and then she finally told his secretary to either send her a check or in three days she’d call "Action Line". She got a check so she was pleased that she’d stuck up for her rights.)
Most people are.
If I got paid for every day I worked, I be much better off today than I am. So I don’t pay any attention whether I get paid for my work or not.
(I thought that was maybe it.)
I really don’t pay much attention to it. Someway or other, there’s always enough comes in to take care of everything; and I don’t concern myself with whether this person paid me, or that person paid me or did I get paid for this day’s work and so forth. I’m working only to make a small contribution to the party anyway; and the host has always taken very good care of me since I’ve been doing that.
When I was trying to make a living, it was a mess. It was rough. The host takes care of all that; and I only do what’s in front of me to do because I’m here saying "thank you", not trying to make a living. X takes care of that. I’m sure there’s a lot of people who never paid me, but so what. I don’t even know about it. The Host takes care of the show and I don’t fret over it any at all. Thank goodness, cause I’d sure have a lot of worries if I did.
I’m glad that I don’t have to keep everything balanced in the world. That belongs to the "HOW" part {the Host-X} up there. I only take care of the "WHAT". What is there for me to do. What can I do today that might be an expression of saying I’m thankful I’m alive and here; and this is one way I can make a little contribution. [more about the "WHAT" AND the "HOW" on the excerpt page with the same name.]
After all if the little contribution I make was never made by me; the whole party would get along fine anyway. But I’m thankful I get to make it. Fair enough.
I’m sure the lady feels very good that she got paid. And I’m glad she got paid. I would not say anything about her method to do it, or anything else. But you can read "Action Line" which I do when I read a newspaper. It’s a very interesting thing to hear all the victims air themselves out. They are REALLY victims, [tongue in cheek]. And I have probably been on the line where they wrote about me victimizing them a few times.
(Isn’t it possible that maybe the guy paid somebody else, and didn’t pay this one. So maybe there’s something going on.)
Who knows. I could imagine all sorts of ways. But if she was really conscious, it wouldn’t make much difference one way or the other. I could have probably made what she got paid that day while she was fuzzing about it. And I wouldn’t have had a sour stomach while I was churning around with it.
You see, I can’t afford emotions because they tear me up. So, I could get along without money better than I could have an emotion—for me. Now maybe some people can afford emotions. I can’t hack ‘em.
[Applying the Idea………………….
My teacher says that we have buttons (see mechanical behavior on this website). A situation occurs and we react "inwardly" in a matter of seconds. It happens faster than we can realize. We are then caught up in a bunch of unpleasant emotions.
If we are doing the "work", we have the possibility of seeing what is going on; and thereby, we also have a better chance to recognize the not "I’s" for what they are—liars! We also have the potential of then continuing "in the moment" with what’s to our advantage rather than allowing the not "I’s" to direct our affairs.
I go to several senior facilities to play music for the people who live there. In each case, I am to make out an invoice and be paid by corporation (out of town) at some unknown future date . After four months of not receiving checks from one of these facilities, I made repeated calls to no avail. I finally wrote a letter saying that I would not return until the back pay was brought up to date. It was while I was deliberating over the dilemma that I happened to transcribe this workshop.
At first I felt chagrined at myself. my teacher said he worked everyday and that he saw it as making a little contribution to express his thankfulness. (Isn’t that emotion of chagrin just the not "I" #5, from within hypnotizing me into believing that I "should" be different?) I realized that I was caught in the lies of the not "i’s."
The "ideal", the "ought to be" is that I should get paid when I do a job.
In discussing this, the suggestion came from "without" to take the matter to small claims court: thereby "sticking up for my rights."
The pleaser from within said: "Aww, just do it, don’t make any waves." It also said: "Many people donate their time and you should too." But as is the way of the pleaser, there was no inner peace.
Another of the "be different" not I’s said: I shouldn’t be upset over not getting paid."
And the blamer said: "This should be paid out of petty cash."
And there was the justification: "I’ve spent money on gas. time preparing, getting there and back, and playing and I should be paid."
Now while all this "chatter" was going on (experienced as thoughts), I was driving to one of the facilities to play for the people. One very valuable decision on my part was to separate all the "chatter" in my head from "the moment I was in". First of all, I was driving the car and my attention needed to be on the road and the other drivers. Secondly, the people I was going to play for were not responsible for my dilemma or my inner state. It was my challenge to be in the moment, express happiness and interact musically with those present.
As I began performing, being "in the moment" and looking into the faces of those who were responding to the music with requests, enthusiasm, singing, and clapping, I was able to rise above the painful emotions and let X express and make that performance a wonderful experience for all of us.
My teacher’s words gave me another way to look at this situation. In reality, there has always been enough to take care of everything despite my worrying about income. I just needed to remember! And I forgot that I did nothing to get the talent I have to sing, play piano, and encourage people to join in, sing, dance and have fun. Oh yes, I practice, learn, and grow everyday--but what I do is fun, makes a little contribution and I meet a lot of interesting, wonderful people. So what my teacher says about expressing his thankfulness can sure apply to my good fortune.
And I certainly enjoyed the comment about not having to keep everything "balanced" in the world. What a heavy responsibility that would be, not to mention the impossibility of the effort. I think sometimes that I should or that I can "fix" everything. Could that be vanity?
And my teacher’s last statement about not being able to afford emotions was perhaps the most valuable. I’m thankful that through my teacher’s words, I, again, had an opportunity to see the whole situation differently. My job is to "wake up", observe without condemnation or justification and again continue on with my chosen purpose "keep the mood up" and remember that nothing is important.]
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